Do Family Members Suspect Something Amiss in a Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
My journey with my husband, a classic example of someone grappling with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), lasted for 21 years. We remained in Saudi Arabia, a place where I lacked the means to support myself and work, despite his clear faults and manipulative behavior. His friends and family, deceived by his artful lies, were blind to the truth, much like I was until I learned the detrimental truth. My three children, plunged into a toxic environment, had to navigate extreme emotional turmoil.
My experience raises a pertinent and profound question: how do family members, friends, or coworkers fail to recognize or understand when a person possesses NPD?
People Only Know What They Experience
Family members, friends, and coworkers only know the behavior that is presented to them. Rarely do they gain insight into private thoughts or secretive manipulations that occur behind closed doors. In reality, they form perceptions based on the visible actions of the person they interact with, rather than understanding the underlying issues causing those actions.
Difficult Relationships and Unexplained Behavior
Take closer look into your own circle: family, friends, and coworkers who consistently display challenging, problematic, and difficult behavior need attention. Such behavior might not explicitly indicate NPD, but warranted scrutiny to identify if there are deeper issues.
Social dynamics and normalization play a crucial role. Abusers, including those with NPD, often create an environment where difficult behavior is accepted as their norm. This acceptance is a result of rationalization, convenient denials, and self-serving justifications.
Consistency and Changes in Behavior
Often, what is seen on the surface may not perfectly mirror the underlying nature of the person's relationships. For instance, a supposedly chaos-creating individual might have a seemingly content partner. The key is to observe the dynamics and identify if there is a potential inconsistency.
Observe your circle: how does the person interact with different individuals or groups? Is there a stark contrast between the behavior displayed with close family or friends versus those they are more distant to?
The Role of Perception and Smear Campaigns
Over time, a smear campaign may develop, based on the frustrations and demands of the abuser. This smear campaign can be targeted at neutral observers, causing them to perceive the individual as difficult, which might accept this portrayal without deeper investigation.
In my relationship, I gradually became a part of my ex's circle, only to be perceived as a "great guy" who could work well with others. However, as the relationship deteriorated and she became more erratic, the people around her began to notice the inconsistencies.
Once the person leaves, their erratic behavior intensifies, as they seek validation from their remaining circle. However, even in this state, they might struggle to find understanding or empathy.
Recognition and Confrontation
The reality is that all individuals in the abuser's life know something is amiss, whether it is subtle hints or outright conflicts. Problems in their choices and relationships are not hidden but are often rationalized or minimized through convenient narratives.
Furthermore, the existence of someone with NPD can be both challenging and complex, as they often adapt and change their behavior depending on the situation and the people they interact with.
It's important to re-evaluate your relationships and pay attention to the consistency in behavior and the dynamics at play within your social circle.