Is It a Good Idea to Marry Someone Much Older?

Understanding the Decision

If you are considering marrying someone older than you, you are undoubtedly self-aware and thoughtful. However, being eighteen is often not the ideal time for entering into a long-term commitment such as marriage. Marriage is a serious lifelong partnership that requires emotional maturity, mutual respect, and the ability to grow together as individuals. At eighteen, you are still discovering who you are and what you want from life. It is perfectly fine to feel attracted to someone older; after all, love is a powerful thing. However, it is crucial to take a step back and carefully consider whether you are ready for what comes with marriage.

Evaluating the Relationship

Ask yourself the following questions to gauge the strength and appropriateness of your relationship:

Contemplating Financial and Personal Priorities

Would you be willing to put your goals and financial well-being on hold to assist his friends and family with health and financial issues? Are his parents the kind of people that you would support in poor health for the next 5-15 years at the expense of your own self-care? If he were to pass away, would his friends and family continue to be supportive or become a burden?

MATCHING ON KEY LIFESCALE AREAS Here are some crucial areas to consider before committing to marriage:

Can you manage finances together? Do you share the same vision for the future in terms of family, travel, careers, and sexual exploration? Have you done premarital counseling to address potential issues and have a better understanding of each other?

Much like driving on a long journey, getting married is a long-term commitment. You need to ensure that both of you are on the same path. This includes your financial goals, the size of your ideal family, travel aspirations, and even your sexual preferences. If one of you wants to travel the world while the other desires a stable, homelife, then these stark differences could create friction.

Similarly, having shared vision and values on career paths and how you view the world (whether it's through religious beliefs, spiritual practices, or even day-to-day activities like reading and exercising) can greatly impact the success of your marriage. It is not uncommon for young couples to have different interests, but when one or more of these key areas are significantly different, it can lead to disagreements and struggles.

One Major Common Interest

One of the most critical factors in any relationship is the existence of shared interests. Research has shown that couples who share common hobbies and interests tend to have higher relationship satisfaction.

Consider shared interests like cooking, working out, hiking, watching certain movies, or even a mutual passion for art and music. If you both love to cook together, to work out, or to spend time in nature, it can provide a strong foundation for your relationship.

But what if your relationship is solely based on infatuation or an idealized version of love? This can be a red flag. If the attraction is too idealized and the passion fades quickly, it may not be a sustainable relationship.

Professional Guidance

It is strongly recommended that you visit a relationship counselor together. This can provide you with insights into what you both want from the marriage and how you can work towards a common goal. A relationship counselor can also help you understand each other's expectations and ensure that you both have a clear understanding of your boundaries and dealbreakers.

Remember, marriage is a lot of work and negotiation, not just peace and harmony. Even if you love each other deeply, you will inevitably encounter differences and challenges. It is crucial to prepare for these challenges and to work through them together.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, the decision whether to marry someone older should be one that aligns with your personal goals and values. If you are uncertain about your readiness or if the relationship feels one-sided, it might be wise to wait a few more years until you are both in a better position to handle the long-term commitment of marriage. In the meantime, consider waiting a couple of years and exploring where the relationship leads you. If it is still strong and meaningful after that period, then there is no reason why you cannot marry him.

As you consider your options, here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you both have at least one major common interest in life? Are your shared interests strong enough to drive the relationship? Are you both willing to prioritize each other's well-being and happiness? Do you both have the same vision for the future?

Remember, the most important thing is to make a decision that feels right for you. Trust your instincts and take your time. Good luck!